The Expert Debate: Is Hannah Storm Hot?

August 13, 2009 10 comments

T-Mike vs. The White Mamba

The Experts:  T-Mike  vs.  The White Mamba

The Subject: Is Hannah Storm, Sportscenter’s AM host and Josh Elliot counterpart, hot?  T-Mike will take the pro while The White Mamba takes the con.  Game on gentlemen.

The Background: The Storm, who joined ESPN in 2008, had a lengthy career before coming to the Worldwide Leader.  She was the first woman anchor to ever host CNN Sports Tonight in 1989, then went to NBC Sports until 2002 when she switched to CBS to host The Early Show.  She currently is the 19th ranked SCA, and falls into The Robert Flores-like trap of trying too hard to be funny during the show when she clearly is not funny.  She is nicer to look at than any of the other guys on SC like Josh Elliot or John Buccigross or Chris McKendry.  So, is The Storm hot or not?

Hannah StormT-Mike: Being that 99 percent of sports watchers are dudes (not based on historical data), sports programming took a step before the turn of this century when they added attractive sideline reporters to give us updates on news, injuries, and whatever else we needed. Anyone remember the days of Jill Arrington and Melissa Stark?

Where is the love for Hannah Storm? Sure, she’s not one of the best anchors, but she does a good enough job while providing the appropriate eye candy to the rest of us guys. How many of you realize that she finished third to Arrington and Stark respectively in the Playboy 2001 poll asking us who we wanted to see in the magazine (Arrington turned down the $1 million dollar offer from the Hef)?

Hannah Storm is a hot 47 year old PTA mom – and she only got hotter as time went on. She aged well like a fine wine. I can only hope that my (future) wife looks that good at that age. And yeah, I know she looks like she’s 75 pounds; better than being 75 pounds overweight like Holly Rowe. And she doesn’t look like she’s M. Night Shamalyan’s twin brother turned sex change (HELLLLLO CINDY BRUNSON!). My only gripe is that I’ve got to make sure Hannah quits removing the fabric from my grandmother’s couches and passing them off as her own wardrobe. Other than that, she’s the running mate to Erin Andrews presidency.

This one’s to you, Hannah. Keep up the hot mom look.

The White Mamba: “The camera adds 10 pounds.”  This is what you always here about people who are on TV.  Being on camera makes you look 10 pounds heavier than you actually are.  This would mean that Hannah Storm is pushing about 60 pounds soaking wet (and Sage Steele might actually just be a cardboard cut-out).  I’m sorry Hannah but there is no reason you can’t sneak into Chris Berman’s dressing room and take something off the buffet spread he makes his servants keep fully stocked.  There’s strike one.

hannah and erinStrike two: Hannah Storm is only hot relative to her environment.  Kind of like if she was in the army or the WNBA.  But just because I’m used to looking at Kevin Neghandi all day doesn’t mean I will have a tainted perception of how hot The Storm actually is.  She is 47 years old, she has really good posture (which can never be trusted), and she looks better now than she did when she was 30.  Strikes three, four, and five.  Put her in a lineup next to Erin Andrews, Rachel Nichols, Wendi Nix, Suzy Kolber, and Mike Greenberg and she would come in last everytime.  Unless you are into the whole Hillary Swank thing, I don’t find much reason to think The Storm is anything more than another female anchor.  Next to a goddess like EA, she disappears.  Next to Josh Elliot, she’s not half bad.  Unfortunately that’s not enough to claim “hot” status.  Sorry T-Mike, and sorry Hannah, but no dice.




It’s SVP’s Boat, We’re All Just Sailing On It

August 13, 2009 2 comments

For the second straight week, Scott Van Pelt tops the Anchor Rankings by a healthy margin.  Despite butchering JohnSVP Arne Riise’s name in a Norwegian Futbol highlight right before the release of this week’s rankings, SVP delivered another flawless week of highlights, increasing his Highlight Percentage and his VORA (Value Over Replacement Anchor).  The Pelt is getting into The Pujols Zone, with an almost consensus #1 ranking from The Experts.  There is some speculation on whether SVP’s performance is all-natural, and it’s a shame with the state of the game right now that we can’t be sure he’s not being enhanced in some unnatural way.  Either way, SVP is at the top of his game right now, and he leads off this week’s Rankings.

1. Scott Van Pelt     SCAR: 0.95076     Last Week: 1

2. John Anderson     SCAR: 0.84091     Last Week: 3 (+1)

3. Neil Everett     SCAR: 0.83712     Last Week: 2 (-1)

4. Mike Greenberg     SCAR: 0.77273     Last Week: 5  (+1)

5. Stuart Scott     SCAR: 0.72727     Last Week: 4  (-1)

6. Brian Kenny     SCAR: 0.71970     Last Week: 6

7. Matt Winer     SCAR: 0.67045     Last Week: 10 (+3)

Matt Winer

Winer moved up three spots last week to solidify himself in the top 10.  His consistency and Highlight      Percentage are among the best, and he has been getting a lot more PT in the last couple weeks.  This  Misssouri Tiger who joined ESPN in 2001 is usually known for his gig hosting NBA Fastbreak, but he’s now busy making a name for himself as a top anchor.

8. Steve Levy     SCAR: 0.66667     Last Week: 8

9. Rece Davis     SCAR: 0.65530     Last Week: 11  (+2)

10. Jay Harris     SCAR: 0.65151     Last Week: 9  (-1)

11. John Buccigross     SCAR: 0.64015     Last Week: 14 (+3)

John Buccigross

John Buccigross made a move last week as well, shooting up three spots to #11.  Bucc is representing the  old guard on SC, as this is his 13th year at ESPN.  Originally an ESPNNews anchor and host of the now  defunct NHL2Night, Bucc is making a comeback on the big show this year.  Not all of his jokes hit  quite as easily as some other SCAs, but the effort and accuracy is always there.

12. Stan Verrett     SCAR: 0.63636    Last Week: 7  (-5)

13. Trey Wingo     SCAR: 0.60227     Last Week: 12  (-1)

14. Linda Cohn     SCAR: 0.57196     Last Week: 13  (-1)

15. Karl Ravech     SCAR: 0.52652     Last Week: 15

16. Steve Berthiuame     SCAR: 0.47727     Last Week: 16

17. Josh Elliot     SCAR: 0.43940     Last Week: 21 (+5)

Josh Elliot

The biggest mover of the week is Sportscenter AM host Josh Elliot, who jumped five spots to #17.  It’s  taken America and The Experts a while to warm to Josh, but his arrogant undertones and pisspoor give  and take with The Storm have been dwindling of late, and his knowledge and ability has been able to show  through.  Seemingly the biggest futbol fan of all the SCAs, it’s a nice touch to have a little extra knowledge  in a usually dense world of SC futbol highlights.  Josh still has a long way to go, but all the tools are there.  If he figures it out, the top ten is not out of the question.

18. David Lloyd     SCAR: 0.43561    Last Week: 17  (-1)

19. Hannah Storm     SCAR: o.41667     Last Week: 18  (-1)

20. Chris McKendry     SCAR: 0.39015     Last Week: 22 (+2)

21. Michael Kim     SCAR: 0.38636     Last Week: 19  (-2)

22. Dari Nowkah     SCAR: 0.36742     Last Week: 24 (+2)

23. Steve Bunin     SCAR: 0.36363     Last Week: 25  (+2)

24. Jonathan Coachman     SCAR: 0.35985     Last Week: 20  (-4)

25. Kevin Neghandi     SCAR: 0.35606     Last Week: 23  (-2)

*Others recieving votes: Sage Steele 0.31439, Michelle Bonner 0.29167, Robert Flores 0.25758, Cindy Brunson 0.23106

Daytime Sportscenter Turns 1

August 12, 2009 1 comment

Josh and Hanna

Yesterday was a birthday of sorts for SC, as the daytime portion of the show celebrated it’s one-year anniversary.   Originally aired on August 11, 2008, the daytime edition runs from 9am-12pm and has given us the not-so-dynamic duos of Storm-Elliot and Flores-Steele.  Every once and a while we even get a Superhero-sounding, female empowerment tandem of Storm and Steele; luckily those occasions are few and far between.

Lack of  charisma and painfully awkward Robert Flores jokes aside, the simple revelation of Daytime Sportscenter has been a blessing in disguise.  When ESPN was attempting to crack the morning show market, we were forced to endure a gauntlet of Kit Hoover, Thea Andrews, Leslie Maxie, Dana Jacobsen, and of course the wonderful Skip Bayless on Cold Pizza, which evolved into First Take.  Both are completely useless when you could show a perfectly good episode of SC.  ESPN figured this out and we now get three more hours of  highlights, despite having the 18th, 21st, 27th, and 28th ranked anchors.

Happy B-Day Daytime SC.  Keep on…keep truckin.

Van Pelt Tops First Sporstcenter Anchor Rankings

After an intense preseason process, hours of research, and putting all the numbers into the system, Scott Van Pelt came out well on top of our first official SCA Rankings.  Here is how the first enstallment shook out, including a little bit about the #1 Sportscenter Anchor:

SVP

1. Scott Van Pelt     SCAR: 0.94175

Standing at 6’6”, SVP literally towers over the rest of his SCA competition, and proved his vertical and highlight prowess by sweeping our expert’s first place votes and putting .13 SCAR Points between himself and second place.  SVP’s charisma and creativity has finally been recognized as he has clearly established himself as one of ESPN’s newest renaissance men.  A gig with Mike Tirico has turned into The Scott Van Pelt Show, which debuted two weeks ago and is currently doing the radio/tv split a la Mike and Mike.

SVP is incredibly consistent with his highlights, and his effortless enjoyment translates into an entertaining Sportscenter no matter who he is working with.  He posesses the qualities of many of the greats, and has put his name in the conversation with the likes of Craig Kilborn, Keith Olberman, Chris Berman, and Dan Patrick.

His friendship with Eldrich Tiger Woods has been parlayed into a gig on Tiger 2010, and his crossover success should continue to grow.  As good as he has gotten, he comes in at #1 because of his ability to still come across as a down to earth guy.  For all the praise we’ve given SVP, if you haven’t ever heard the legendary voice mail he once left a lost love, I suggest you check it out here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5a4p3x091A).  Enjoy.

2. Neil Everett     SCAR: 0.81068

3. John Anderson     SCAR: 0.79612

4. Stuart Scott     SCAR: 0.77184

5. Mike Greenberg     SCAR: 0.75243

6. Brian Kenny     SCAR: 0.70875

7. Stan Verrett     SCAR: 0.70874

8. Steve Levy     SCAR: 0.65535

9. Jay Harris     SCAR: 0.65534

10. Matt Winer     SCAR: 0.64563

11. Rece Davis     SCAR: 0.63107

12. Trey Wingo     SCAR: 0.60680

13. Linda Cohn     SCAR: 0.59709

14. John Buccigros     SCAR: 0.56796

15. Karl Ravech     SCAR: 0.53398

16. Steve Berthiuame     SCAR: 0.45631

17. David Lloyd     SCAR: 0.44175

18. Hannah Storm     SCAR: o.44174

19. Michael Kim     SCAR: 0.41263

20. Jonathan Coachman     SCAR: 0.41262

21. Josh Elliot     SCAR: 0.40777

22. Chris McKendry     SCAR: 0.39806

23. Kevin Neghandi     SCAR: 0.39320

24. Dari Nowkah     SCAR: 0.38835

25. Steve Bunin     SCAR: 0.38349

*Others recieving votes: Michelle Bonner 0.34467, Sage Steele 0.32524, Robert Flores 0.29126, Cindy Brunson 0.26214


Don’t worry Neil, they’re coming…

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